No, I am not saying Stephen Harper is like Bill Clinton. I am talking about the military machismo this guy has. The son of an Imperial Oil executive, Harper is a pampered grown man who hasn’t grown out of playing GI Joe. 
 
         

Harper was visiting the Arctic this week and announced about $100 million in federal funds for new highways, a harbour, and skills training. He posed for ridiculously cheesy photos of himself on an icebreaker, a helicopter, and a submarine - a real Canadian hero. I was just waiting for Harper to take off his shirt and pose with machine guns in both of his hands ala Rambo. Though he never joined the army (and would never actually fight in the army), Harper sure loves playing army.

                                        
                                         Cock, are you there?

All of this is under the guise of protecting our Arctic sovereignty from the evil Russians. It is as if we are still stuck in a time warp and fighting the Cold War. At stake we are told is the last oil and gas bonanza on earth. Harper is ensuring that the right guys, American corporations, get in on the oil and gas action. Heck, imagine a Fort McMurray in the Arctic circle. Cool.

                                       
                                        Man that makes my dick hard

Straight from the Republican playbook, the Conservatives like playing the nationalist card. The Arctic is an opportunity for Harper to show off his manhood. Like a teenager going through puberty, Harper's pocket rocket is always loaded and ready. Harper’s wet dream is flying in on a F16, planting a Canadian flag in the Arctic and saying mission accomplished. We all know how that worked out for Bush.

The nationalist card keeps Harper’s popularity up in the polls and keeps donations pouring in. Even though we have never been invaded or even remotely threatened, Canada spends a staggering $19 billion a year on defense. To keep war contractors' profits flush, our government needs to justify the spending of this money to protect our great nation from evil doers, money that could be used to eliminate poverty in Canada - especially in Canada’s North.

While boys in the Arctic sleep on streets, billions of dollars are spent on military equipment that gets most of its action in photo ops. Bob Marley said it best in ‘So Much Trouble In The World’ with the line, “A million miles from reality, no care for you, no care for me”.

The diamond mines have been a social and environmental disaster for the North. The suicide rate is six times higher than the rest of Canada. Violent crime is five times higher. From 30% to 50% of Aboriginals are unemployed. Why would the North want to add oil and gas into the toxic mess?

Canada doesn’t need a Bush. We need real leadership. Canada needs a prime minister that keeps his dick in his pants. We need a prime minister that makes us proud to be Canadian. We should not be proud of accelerating climate change, so that we can conquer the Arctic for Harper's boyhood ego and for military and fossil fuel shareholders. We should not be proud of wanting to be a natural born killer on the world stage.

We should be proud of making the world into an equitable, sustainable, and peaceful one. A first step in this direction would be a prime minister who advocates that the Arctic be designated a world heritage site. Such a site would be preserved for all into eternity. The Arctic would belong to everyone. The citizens of the Arctic should be paid to preserve and promote this beautiful area.

Creating a world heritage site in the Arctic is something we could all be proud of.