What is a political zombie? By day they work hard for their corporate and rich donors to ensure that things stay the same while pretending to fight for change in a political system that encourages gridlock. They wear suits, smile lots, shake a lot of hands, and pretend to be working for the common citizen. In Copenhagen they will be pretending to be doing everything they can to decrease their carbon emissions. Instead of doing just this, they will create fanciful schemes of cap and trade, carbon capture, and other boondoggles that just happen to benefit their donors and the zombies that work for them.

                        
                         Stephen Harper by day

By night though, the politician transforms into a zombie. Beware, they are looking to bite you. The goal is to turn clear and forward thinking citizens into zombies.

                 
                 Stephen Harper by night

Police spokesperson Michael Engell is urging citizens to just get it over with and join the zombies. Engell in particular is asking that citizens watch entertainment star gossip shows, Hollywood movies, and sports. “We should be asking instead what the hell Tiger was thinking and how those clever gate crashers breached White House security,” reasons Engell. He adds, “Personally I think zombies are cool.”

Some are outraged at Engell’s suggestions. Pat Grimm, head of the Guardians of the Earth, thinks that these suggested actions to protect yourself will in fact make you more vulnerable to political zombie attacks. She may be on to something. Being in the seated position, on a comfy couch, filling your face with junk food and alcohol makes you zombie like and leaves you in a susceptible position and state of mind to be attacked by zombies.

Grimm says that the goal of political zombies is to turn citizens into a massive crowd of zombies who walk real slow with their arms out, emitting hideous groans, while looking dead-like and grotesque. This way the elite can just keep burning non-renewable fossil fuels to keep the profit parade going strong. Zombies conveniently don’t notice or seem to mind pollution, poverty, the extinction of endangered species, rising sea levels, or even ask why the police are not protecting citizens from the elite and political zombies.

To be or not to be a zombie? That is the question of our time.